Thursday, October 27, 2011

Greetings from the Pacific Northwest...

Life has gotten better! It's been rough, but things have gotten better! My credit has gotten better; in fact, it's improved by 100 points! I've been working on getting my ADHD under control, but it has been difficult. I still don't have medical insurance, so I still use the County Public Health clinic for my primary care. Luckily, the majority of my medications cost less than $4 a month. My Adderall, that's a different story. It used to cost me $138 a month for the 25mg extended release capsule. I've had my doctor change it over to the 15mg immediate release. Now, I take 30mg a day, but 2x daily. My biggest problem now, is learning how to control my impulsive behaviour! Now, don't get me wrong, some of my impulsive behaviour is part of who I am, and I don't want to change all of that. Just the parts where I tend to shout out things that I shouldn't, or do the things that I shouldn't. I'm tired of regretting saying or doing things that I shouldn't!

I have filed for divorce... Well, actually, I filed back in April. I was unable to pay to serve Elena because I was out of work. Now, I have paid to have her served, and it's been 30 days since she was properly served. Now, I have moved for a default judgement of dissolution of my marriage. Luckily, we have no assets, so the dissolution will be easier. So now, I have to wait 3 more weeks to see if the judge will waive the 90 day period, and move for dissolution. Elena never responded (well, she has no way to get up here... Ian is too much of a cheap ass to take her...), and now we're at this point. I have to figure out a child support payment from up here, so I can take it with me to Sacramento on 18 November. The support order should be issued from up here, because I live up here. If I can get Julian to move up here, I won't have to pay so much. The problem with that, is that that he's under the influence of his mother. He says that she doesn't say anything about me, but I know Elena better than they do!

My children, sadly, are under the influence of my ex, and unless I'm down there to counter her influence, I've lost them. When I am around them, I can affect their minds, influence them! I don't want to control their thoughts like Elena does, I'd rather they use their own minds, and see what she has done. When I start to make better money, they're going to see that I had to take time to recover from all of her economic sabotage.
Then, I can be in a better position to assist them. I already told them that if they want me to help them to go to college, either they're going to have to come up here, or go to Stanford. Those are the only options that I told them I would pay for...

But, before I can pay for college, I have to wait to complete my certification program. It's been difficult, but I'm working to persevere, to finish the course. Right now, I've been laid off from my courier job, and it stems from the impulse control caused by the ADHD. With the Adderall, I can focus, but the impulse control is a different matter. If I can't get that under control, I may apply for SSI; it's not something that I want to do, but I need to do something!!! At least I'll be able to qualify for medical insurance issued by the state, and I'd be able to pay for my meds. I don't want to live like this!!! I HAVE TO LEARN HOW TO CONTROL MY IMPULSES, OR ELSE I'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO HOLD DOWN A JOB!!!

This has always been a problem for me! It got me into trouble when I was in the service. It got me into trouble when I was in school, and gets me into trouble at work. My mother says it's my mouth that gets me into trouble. I wish that were the case, but there's more to it than such a simplistic thing. It stems back to impulse control, or rather my lack of it. Since moving up here, I have gotten better at learning to control it. The biggest pitfall, is being able to interpret people. I can read people, but sometimes, I misinterpret people.
What do I mean; simple, I have a tendency to treat everyone the same, even people that I don't know. Instead of getting to know people, I tend to open up too soon, and buddy up to people. People misinterpret this, and think I'm weird because of it. I need to learn how to be aloof again, learn to keep people at a distance until they get to know me. I don't have a problem meeting people, quite the contrary... I'm very approachable, and likeable. But, I tend to polarise people as well. You either like me, or you don't; no middle ground with me.

Enough about me... I've said what I wanted, now I'm done...