Greetings from the Pacific Northwest...
I have been here since the 16th of April, and I'm madly in love with my girl, Toni...I have been in love with her since 1983. That means that I've been in love with her for 27 years...why is this important you ask? Well, I allowed my mother to tear me away from Toni in 1985, and I went on a downward spiral. I went out of my way to destroy myself, and I was only successful in hurting only myself. I should have spent that time figuring out why I was forced to break up with Toni, and trying to find her instead. Instead of finding her, she ended hooking up with a string of losers...her first man, the one immediately after me, Tom, abused her, and knocked her up with her first child Mike. Don't get me wrong, Mike is a good kid, but every time I see him, I'm reminded of how I fucked up, and let her get away from me. I shouldn't feel like this, but I do!!! Why do I feel like this? Why do I feel so guilty about Mike? I feel guilty because I let her get away, and she had Mike with Tom.
There was so much that we had wanted to do together back then. We (well, she...I was dragged into it, but I didn't mind; I was in love with her!!!) had planned to get married, and do great things together. Now, it's 27 years later, and I'm not so sure that I'll be able to accomplish all that I had wanted to do together with Toni. I have had a hard time up here in Oregon as far as work is concerned. I have found work, but work isn't consistent due to the economy. I'm going to have to get re-certified once I start working in a full-time position. The hard part will be locating a full-time position. She has been stressed out over the loss of work, but I've been able to be of some comfort to her. I have a job interview on Wednesday in Beaverton...I'm confident that this time, I will get this job...
When work begins, I want to get things squared away financially first. I have a lot of student debt that I need to clear up first. Once I finish paying down some of this debt, I have to go back to school. I want to finish up the transfer credits that I started for the second BS degree. Only need 28 credits to finish, or I've only completed 28 credits. Always get that confused...anyway, I don't have much to finish, and once I finish those transfer credits, I transfer to PSU to finish my BS, then my Masters. I'm hoping that I don't find this one idiot at PSU because if I do, I'm going to slap the shit out of him...
This guy, posted some racist comments on Toni's Facebook page. All this stems from her recent breakup with her ex, Bob. She said that "last night, Thai, tonight Mexican..." She was, of course, referring to food. This idiot, John Gorman, made the off colour comment. "I thought you were having Mexican every night..." That really pissed me off, so much so in fact, that I wanted to find this idiot, and beat the shit out of him. I found out that he works at PSU's bookstore. I started to taunt him on my Facebook page, but one of Toni's friends happens to like this asshole, and got mad at Toni and I over it. Well, Toni deleted my posts using my account (I was a little pissed, but it was Toni, and I can't stay mad at her...regardless of the reason! I love her that much!!!), and tried to apoligise to her friend over it. Hell, I tried to apoligise to her, but she didn't want to hear it. No matter, time heals all wounds, and hopefully, she'll forgive me.
Back to Toni. I'm 41 years old, and I'm not sure how much time I have left on this planet, but I do know that I want to spend as much time as possible with her. I told her that when we got back together, I wanted to hit the ground running. We have, but, we ran straight into a wall. It's going to be ok, though. She's not going back to Bob, and I'm sure as hell not going back to CA until I have my second MIS degree. My plan is to start a network solutions firm here in Portland, and have Toni work with me as the firm's accountant. She wants to do this with me, and I'm pretty excited about this! She has a vested interest in this, because she'd directly benefit from whatever proceeds we make from this venture. I only want us to finally make it together. That's all I ever wanted for us to do. Yes, I know that I was dragged into this, but I was willing to be dragged by her. This is what I've wanted for us all along!
I've loved her for a long time, and if all goes well, I'm going to be able to do a much better job of providing for her. I've wanted a family with her for a long time, and now, hopefully, we'll have that chance. Only thing we'll have to wait for is the completion of our divorces. Once those are finalised, we can finally get married, and live the life that we wanted long ago.
Aaron M. Freeman
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